I waited so long that now the first of this week’s double-feature episodes has already aired, but this is my newsletter so I can move as slowly as I want. Let’s jump in!
In a shocking twist that no one saw coming, this week’s entire episode was dedicated to what I assume was heavily produced drama! Can you believe it? There was something so unhinged about the vibes this episode, so rancid, so…deep fried. Do we think the women were promised extra time with Joey if they enthused the hardest about the KFC spon-con? Let’s bffr. None of these women want to be eating KFC right now. If anything, they want Chick-Fil-A.
The first group date is a pageant and I was skeptical, but it really worked for me. Lea was so real with her little “A pageant…🤨.” The inclusion of the women from Golden Bachelor was cute, but of course we had to have a healthy dose of producer-prompted “drama.”
These producers are working overtime to sabotage these women, whispering in their ear like, don’t you think you should complain to Joey’s face about how dissatisfied with his decision of who got to win a pretend pageant? One woman said, “People feel Lexi gave less effort and got more reward.” She got on the stage and made out with Joey…of course she won. Everyone’s just mad they didn’t think of it. “Kissing isn’t a talent.” Okay, well that’s her man now, so what are you gonna do about it? At the end of the day, I feel it in my soul that Lexi will come out of this with a ring, because natural chemistry is going to win out. The more the other women grumble and cry about her being favorited, the sillier it makes them look. This isn’t grade school– Joey’s under no obligation to play fair.
Sydney, in light of all eyes on Lexi, finds her minimal spotlighting dimming as she fades into oblivion. So she piggybacks Madina’s ill-advised use of the word bully and gets the attention she so desperately craves. Here’s the thing. This format works because producers know how to suss out who will be the easiest to manipulate, and they found a perfect target in Sydney. She comes across so insufferable, largely because we don’t see her interact with Joey. They have no chemistry that we’ve seen, but we’ve seen a lot of Maria’s personality and she’s much more likeable, funny. Joey’s super into her. I’m sure Sydney is not actually a bad person, but they’ve painted a convincing picture of her as one. Anyway, there’s unfortunately plenty more where that came from.
I haven’t quite gathered my thoughts enough to unpack this, but there’s a certain level to which Black women in the Bachelor-verse are used as comedic relief that does not sit right with me. Tahzjuan’s short stint on Bachelor in Paradise comes to mind. Last episode, it was Evalin jumping over a table and still not getting to sit next to Joey. This week, it was Edwina singing at the pageant and the little teehee clown vibe editing that accompanied it. Let my girl Edwina be great. She’s gorgeous, she’s got skin that glows and the braids and we hardly ever get to see Black women on the show get the goddess treatment, the worship-the-ground-she-walks-on treatment. Like I said, I’m still gathering my thoughts here, and I’m far from the right person to discuss this, but Edwina deserves to be treated like a goddess.
The surfing one-on-one was cute, but the real show was when Joey and Jenn had a really lengthy makeout (dare I say, dryhump?) while wearing wetsuits on the beach. Then they had dinner at a cemetery, maybe? And ended the night with an excruciatingly silent weird drone show. If this was their first date, they definitely would have slept together afterward. You love to see it.
The tennis date in general was adorable. I love Joey’s little one offs. He goes, “This is actually a fantasy of mine.” Despite popular belief, it’s fun to watch a group of people be silly goofy and get along. I was especially struck by the way, when they sat next to each other, Joey and Rachel mirrored each other’s movements and expressions. In my perfect world, it would be them at the end.
Despite the second group date and Jenn’s one-on-one, the rest of the episode is mostly consumed by Sydney running her mouth and Maria looking confused and annoyed. The b-word getting dropped on this show is like a bomb. It’s the worst thing anyone can ever call you, apparently. I’m sure Krystal from Arie’s season1 would be able to come up with a few more offending words, but whatever.
Look, bullying is a real issue. I think anyone who’s seen the 2011 Emily Osment vehicle, Cyberbully, can attest to that. But it often gets dropped on this show as a checkmate, a way to deflect scrutiny away from one person’s behavior under the guise of if you question me, then you’re siding with the bully because I’m being bullied and here we have gaslighting, guys. You can not vibe with someone, you can dislike someone, and that’s not what being bullied is. If anything, Sydney became the bully by talking down to Maria, acting like she’s not even there, ruining everyone else’s time so she can go on her rampage.
And the show becomes hard to watch when the narrative is driven by one woman’s bad behavior, instead of watching the lead fall in love. They have a great lead and a group of women who are really into him. They don’t need to cheapen it by focusing on manufactured drama that will continue into the next episode instead of having Joey just send Sydney home. And because of this, I didn’t get to see enough of the good shit to dissect it.
TL;DR: In the future, I want to see more nsfw horizontal kissing and less catfights for the sake of soundbites.
I did indeed just fact check myself and Google whether or not it was her who allegedly called the other women the c-word. It was. Haha.