the polygamists are gonna love this date
Joey’s love journey begins with the most poignant group date imaginable: pretending to get married to nine women at one time. The dresses are great, but the show’s emphasis on marriage as an all-important end goal becomes more and more outdated every season, not only because the majority of the couples break up before they’re even contractually permitted to keep the Neil Lane ring, let alone make it to the altar. I think the desperate need to become a wife and mother is less significant than it was in the early aughts, and as the contestants get younger, that generational shift results in a lack of believability. Do we need to put this kind of pressure on a relationship after one day? This isn’t the real world, but if it was, some of the things these women say and do would earn them a restraining order, not a life partner.
This is clearly the A-Team date. He’s attentive to the women during the date and I’m especially struck by his time with Rachel. When Joey’s with Rachel, he is locked in. The way he looks at her while she’s giving that speech. Their slow dance where we don’t see a moment of hesitation in deference of the other women. They look like they’re a real couple on their wedding day, completely obsessed with each other.
I would love to see more of Kelsey T., and I’m hopeful for a 1-on-1 for her next week, but Maria was really the star of this evening portion. She got a lot of Joey’s time and attention. And, ya know, things standing at attention. She changes into something more comfortable and emerges scantily clad. Joey loves it. He says, “Maria’s got something about her that makes me excited.” I wonder what that something could be. He’s so horny for Maria, and look, I get it. Who wouldn’t be? The women are, of course, annoyed and judgy and make sure we know they would never go about things in this way. Whatever. I am not in their shoes and have no idea what ugly emotions this kind of process would stir up in me. At home, I think it’s funny but I might not feel so humorous after a rose ceremony that went until daylight and a day of torture in a wedding dress.
There’s a moment of humanization for Lauren. This coming on the heels of a cold open that features her seemingly throwing a fit over cake is… a choice. Lauren’s dad passed away a few months prior and The Bachelor is honed in on a two-parent household with a father whose blessing can be acquired prior to a proposal. Wedding culture, too, is awkward to navigate without a father. Lauren is feeling this loss and just sinking into herself more deeply as the date goes on. Eventually in the evening portion, she gets time to talk to Joey, immediately starts crying. To Joey’s credit, he handles every emotional situation with so much kindness and attention. And there are a plethora of emotional interactions for him to deal with.
Jess also cries and vaguely mentions a previous relationship. He praises her vulnerability, of course. When the group date rose goes to her, it’s a death sentence for Lauren’s relationship with Joey. We see two very different levels of vulnerability on this group date and he praises the smaller one because he ultimately likes Jess more. It’s a better use of his group date rose– I hate the mentality of this person deserves this group date rose because they performed in a satisfactory way. A group date rose, like any rose, should mean I’m into this person.
disability accommodations have no place in the workplace of the bachelor
Daisy scores the first 1-on-1 date and I’m sure Lea is already cursing herself for throwing that card in the fire. Daisy’s cochlear implant is clearly an important part of who she is as a person, but production is throwing her into situations that could be very bad for her, with no accommodations. First with the helicopter and then a loud music festival when her hearing is impaired. It feels so incredibly icky.
Compared to Joey’s short amount of time with some of the other women, his connection with Daisy after an entire day together is a little lackluster. It’s clear that he likes her and knows she has the right attributes– his internal checklist. But that natural chemistry is lacking.
I’m very attuned to how the dates and interactions are designed to manipulate contestants into believing they are in love. Everything is so grand and robust, sweeping and gorgeous. Ask yourself, if I spent an entire romantic day with a man who asked me questions and made intense eye contact, and then we stood in front of a cheering crowd and kiss-danced while a musician we’ve never heard of performed, would I fall in love? You don’t have to tell me your answer because I already know.
Demi is here for some reason
I don’t have a lot to say about the bootcamp date. Joey, momentarily shirtless and then not shirtless, is joined by former Bachelor contestants Jubilee and Demi. Jubilee is a qualified guest in that she served her country. Demi just ✨serves c*nt✨. The contestants play a version of capture the flag. The winning team thinks they’re getting time with Joey, but actually only one person gets time with him.
Edwina deserved that win, she deserved her time. I’m glad she got it. But it must be so taxing being the Bachelor. She is the fourth person to cry in front of him and share something incredibly vulnerable, in the past three days. It’s got to be overwhelming. He’s not a licensed therapist.
31 with one foot in the grave
Leading up the Rose Ceremony, and at the cocktail party preceding it, a lot is happening. Some Madina/Maria drama begins the night before and seems to boil over– more on that momentarily. We get a little bit of Joey enjoying time with women he likes, and we get a lot of general unravelling of the women. It’s still week one, let’s get it together. These girls need to hydrate. They need some electrolytes. They need to take a brisk hot girl walk (TM) around the patch of grass in the backyard. Otherwise no one is going to survive to see international travel or Joey’s manhood.
The first conversations we see are with Lexi and Kelsey A. Joey gravitates toward them. He says, “I feel confident about Lexi.” I love to be right.
Lauren goes home. The decision seems very abrupt, and I feel for her but Joey does not care. I cackled at the way he just kind of went….oh no, oh darn, it seems like you’ve made up your mind, though, so I guess this is goodbye. Like, she was going home anyway and just made it her decision and not his.
Now for the real story (apparently). We devote a big chunk of time to some aging discourse. Madina tells everyone, “I’m 31. I have no time to waste.” To give you a visual, Madina’s skin is sagging from her bones and she has the look of a weathered crone. She’s got one foot in the grave, as all ancient 31 year olds do.
Maria, who is 29, takes offense to this, and loudly tells people that she’s a similar age and Madina should just own it. For some reason, Sydney (who I’m not sure Joey has even met) jumps in to save the day and tell Madina that Maria was talking shit about her. Now Madina’s mad. Now Maria wants to know who said something, because, sure, the problem isn’t what she said but that someone repeated it. So Maria’s deflecting and pointing the finger to someone else instead of saying, My bad, that came out wrong. I meant to say Madina is inhumanly hot and being 31 is not a detriment because 31 is not old. I get what Maria was trying to say, and that she handled the situation terribly. It seems that next week will escalate the situation further but, I’m sorry, Maria, they will never make me hate you. I’ve already decided to like her.
I feel a lot of empathy for the women. More than when I watched my first season or two of the show, I find that I can recognize producer intervention and sympathize with a stressful, shitty situation. Nobody’s being a bitch just because they’re evil. The show feeds off of their insecurities, so I’m hesitant to buy into anyone as a villain or point to bad behavior as truly toxic, versus just in bad taste. We’ve all been in situations where we haven’t put our best foot forward, said something catty when we should have kept our mouths shut, and those moments keep me up at night. I can’t imagine the added pressure of cameras in the mix and knowing everything I do can be broadcast across the country.
That being said, I’m really buying into the season and bought into Joey as a lead. I think he was a great choice, and I know the show would be boring without some drama, but I’m looking forward to watching the relationships that he’s excited about blossom. I don’t know. I’m having fun. I have criticism, of course, but mostly leveraged against obvious production intervention, not the contestants themselves or the way Joey handles himself.